Since the cease fire in 1953, North Korea has kidnapped about four thousand Korean citizens in more than five hundred cases. Intriguingly, most of those lucky enough to be kidnapped were fishing boat crew. Now, while people think the kidnappings were political, others think it was an attempt to increase the population. My theory is that the North Koreans were just hungry and wanted some fish. Regardless, most of the fishermen were returned home after undergoing intensive brain washing and being forced to listen to the Jonga sing his own rendition of 'Time to Get Ill' by the Beastie Boys.
The most interesting kidnapping was when the Jonga decided he should make a movie. So using that most respected and productive North Korean method of getting things done, Kim kidnapped his favourite South Korean director and his favourite actress.
So in the year 1978 he ordered his goons to kidnap one of South Korea’s most prominent filmmakers, Shin Sang Ok, and his ex-wife, actress Choi Eun Hi. Shin and Choi were then expected to revitalize the North Korean film industry, something that would turn out to be quite difficult because North Korea never had a film industry in the first place. When Choi was abducted, the Jonga reportedly said, “Thank you for coming, Madame Choi,” while greeting her at the dock when her boat arrived. But because the Jonga was bananas about James Bond films, he was reportedly upset because he wanted to express this rehearsed greeting as he dramatically spun around in a big leather armchair while stroking a fluffy white cat. Unfortunately this dramatic scene with Madame Choi wasn't possible because everything resembling a cat in North Korea had been used to feed the army that year. The reason the soldiers needed food was so they could have enough energy to clean their spears and maintain their trebuchets. Also North Korea doesn't allow leather chairs on account that chairs are considered 'bourgeoisie' and leather is edible enough to be 'a temptation for workers to indulge in the material extravagances of the enemy.' After dealing with the dissapointment of such an uninspired welcome, the Jonga sent flowers (non-edible) and then put Choi up in ‘hotel-like’ conditions, which when translated from North Korean dialect means, 'a double-wide trailer that was previously used to store novelty fake breasts'.
Shin’s stay was a little more uncomfortable because he was in a North Korean prison. Apparently, after trying to escape, Shin was put into solitary confinement and forced to read the complete works of the Jonga and his father and all while he had to sit cross-legged on the floor. To me this is crucial evidence that the Jonga didn't have much respect for his and his father’s political philosophy. That this is tantamount to admitting these books are a form of torture is not only funny but also very funny. He was realeased after a year and apart from being convinced he was an undeployed popcorn kernal capable of time travel and having a mild case of anxiety, Shin was okay.
Eventually, the Jonga got Shin and Choi to make a movie called Pulgasari which is a Godzillaesque movie.
It's an entirely original film about a big monster that reads Stalin and enjoys eating metal. The plot centres around the idea that Pulgasari is the only being in the universe who can tell the difference between reading Stalin and eating metal.
Grab a copy and have a look – I didn’t.
Postscript: North Korea has kidnapped a total of 3,662 fishermen along with their fishing boats. The last boat taken was the Dongjin-ho (skipper: Kim Soon-kun) and its twenty crew members. The boat was taken near Paeknyon Island in January 1987, and all the crew members are still being detained in North Korea where they were reportedly being forced to film a movie-version of Gilligan’s Island. The Jonga had apparently put his hand up to play Ginger before he sadly passed away from a Listerine overdose.
Once Upon A Time in North Korea
I miss the Jonga, he was great, just great.